Breaking silence over his decision to retire from international cricket midway through the Border-Gavaskar Trophy in December 2024, former India off-spinner Ravichandran Ashwin said being dropped from the opening Test in Perth took a toll on him mentally, and he felt it was time to bid adieu to the game.

Ashwin, who announced his retirement following the conclusion of the third Test against Australia at the Gabba, Brisbane, said he had first contemplated retirement following his 100th Test (against England in Dharamsala) in the early part of last year.

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“To be very honest, I wanted to do it after my 100th Test. And then I thought, Ok, let me give it a go in the home season. Because, I mean, you’re playing well, and you’re getting wickets, you’re making runs,” Ashwin told CSK batting coach Michael Hussey in the podcast.

Speaking on the ‘Mike Testing 1, 2, 3’ podcast, Ashwin revealed that he had almost made up his mind to walk into the sunset after the Test against Bangladesh in Chennai, where he scored a century and picked up a six-wicket haul.

Ashwin is India’s second-highest wicket-taker across all formats of the game. He has 537 Test wickets to his name, including 37 five-wicket hauls.

“I thought it made sense to play a bit. I was having a lot of fun, but the whole hard yards that I had to put through to get myself in the park again, physically and mentally, one of the most important things that was pulling me down was the family time,” he said.

The 38-year-old then opened up on his feelings after being left out of the Border-Gavaskar Trophy opener in Perth against Australia and how it took an emotional toll on him. For the uninitiated, Washington Sundar was preferred ahead of Ashwin for the Perth Test, which India won under the leadership of Jasprit Bumrah.

“I thought I’d probably close off with the Chennai Test here. I ended up getting a six-wicket haul and a hundred. So it’s very tough to quit when you’re doing very well. So, I went on with the series, and we lost against New Zealand. So, one after the other, it was just building up. And then I thought, okay, let me go to Australia. Let me see how this goes. Because the last time I was in Australia, I had a great, great tour,” said Ashwin.

“And when I didn’t start in Perth, it was like, okay, this whole circle keeps going again. People add very little value to what you’re going through emotionally. They don’t really consider that because your emotions are yours, and it doesn’t matter to anybody else. So I had been contemplating that, and then I thought, okay, maybe it is time,” he added.

Ashwin, who was awarded the prestigious Padma Shri award on Monday, is currently playing in the IPL for Chennai Super Kings. The five-time IPL champions are currently at the bottom of the points table with just 2 points from 9 matches, and will take on Punjab Kings on Wednesday.