Oil India strikes natural gas in Andaman offshore block, Hardeep Singh Puri reacts
Oil India said that the drilling work was carried out at a depth of more than 1,900 metres in the Eocene formation.
In the golden age of misinformation, where libraries have been replaced by search tools and newspapers by headlines that fit the ‘Breaking News’ notification, a new, prestigious institution has emerged. It has no campus, no faculty, and absolutely no fact-checkers.
It is WhatsApp University, a premier center of higher learning where everyone is a professor, and truth is entirely optional. In fact, WhatsApp University is the only ivy-league institution that requires no tuition fee, no entrance exams, and absolutely no critical thinking.
Advertisement
Its campus is located in your pocket, which makes it very, very convenient.
Advertisement
Admissions and Faculty
Admission to WhatsApp University is simple: you must own a smartphone, be a part of a few chat groups, and hold a firm belief that “the media” is lying to you. There are no entrance exams, but you must pass the “Forward to 10 People” initiation ritual.
The faculty consists entirely of “Uncle jis”, “Auntie jis,” and friends such as the one who discovered “the truth” about ginger curing baldness. These esteemed professors are highly qualified. They are experts in political strategy, ancient history, modern medicine, and conspiracy theories, all learned during the 15 seconds it takes to read a forwarded message. They don’t need textbooks; they have the “Forwarded Many Times” tag. Unlike traditional universities, where students graduate after four years, WhatsApp University offers a lifetime course in “Forwarded as Received” education.
The Curriculum: A Blend of Fiction and Fantasy
The curriculum at WhatsApp University is breathtakingly diverse. One minute you are learning that drinking hot water with lemon kills a virus that has baffled global scientists, and the next, you are informed that the 500 rupee note has a GPS chip that can track you through a sealed safe. Not to forget, you have the opportunity to do a course in The Secret History of UNESCO declaring our National Anthem the best in the world.
WhatsApp University also teaches you Advanced Health Remedies. This is really invaluable. Why go to a doctor when your third cousin twice removed can send you a message suggesting a diet of garlic, honey, and cow dung to cure everything from the common cold to existential dread?
Then, there is a very popular course on Alternative History. Did you know that ancient Indians were actually testing nuclear missiles 5,000 years ago, but the British stole the blueprint?
Political Science is, expectedly, the most popular course. The curriculum here is simple: if the news is good, it’s a masterstroke. If the news is bad, it’s a conspiracy planned by a shadowy cabal. The Department of Political Science & Geo-politics is highly active, often predicting World War III every second Tuesday. It specializes in unverified claims about neighboring countries and deep analyses of international relations by people whose biggest geopolitical achievement is managing the Housing Society parking lot or ensuring that the overhead water tanks are kept clean.
Campus Life and “Research”
Campus life is exhilarating. It consists mainly of waking up to 45 “Good Morning” messages featuring colourful roses or religious chants, followed by heated debates over a conspiracy theory someone posted at 3:00 am.
“Research” at this university is a rigorous process. It involves getting a message in Gujarati, translating it to Hindi, adding a few exclamation points, and forwarding it to the family group with the caption, “Forwarded for awareness!”.
The research facilities are state-of-the-art, comprising primarily the “Forward” button. The university thrives on the “6x rule”—false news travels six times faster than genuine information.
The grading system is simple. If you reply “True!” or “Wow” to a message, you’re an honor student recognised for high grades. If you dare to post a link to a fact-checking website, you are immediately expelled from the group—or worse, met with the ultimate academic sanction: the “Blue Tick Silence.” Over time, you learn that “Blue tick Silence” occurs when a message is marked as “read” (blue ticks) but no reply is sent, signalling digital apathy and creating anxiety. The grading system is also revolutionary. If you share a post, you get an A+. If you ask, “Is this true?”, you are instantly labeled a “media plant” or “anti-social” and asked to leave the group.
Research methodology at this prestigious WhatsApp University is cutting-edge. Why spend years in a lab when a 30-second video with dramatic suspense music tells you that the pyramids were actually grain silos built by aliens who spoke fluent Sanskrit?
The professors of WhatsApp University are dedicated researchers. They don’t need evidence; they have a “feeling.” Their primary method of teaching is to start a message with: “This is a secret message” or “I am sharing this because I care” followed by shocking information that definitely didn’t happen.
The Exam Structure: “Forwarded Many Times”
WhatsApp University does not believe in standard exams. Instead, your academic standing is determined by the “forwarded” label. If a message has the “forwarded many times” tag, it is considered authentic, peer-reviewed research. If a message is a simple text, it is considered a conspiracy theory spread by “the other side.”
The Alumni Association
Graduates of WhatsApp University are easy to spot. They are the ones who start sentences with, “I don’t trust the news, but I got this on a group…” They are also highly adept at identifying fake, doctored, or totally irrelevant videos as the absolute truth.
Conclusion
While mainstream universities teach you how to think, WhatsApp University teaches you what to think—usually in a very loud, bold font with multiple emojis. It is a world where misinformation spreads faster than a viral meme, and a place where, ironically, the “University Exposed” moment is quickly forgotten by the next morning’s “Good Morning” photo of a lotus, a sunflower, roses, jasmines or marigold. In the end, WhatsApp University proves that knowledge isn’t power—sharing is. Because in this digital ivory tower, it doesn’t matter if the news is fake, as long as the “Good Morning” image has a sparkling rose on it.
Graduating from WhatsApp University is a rite of passage. You may not gain real knowledge, but you will definitely gain a very strong, often wrong, opinion on absolutely everything. So, the next time your phone pings at 6:00 AM with a video about how magnetic banknotes are spying on you, accept the wisdom, forward it to five friends, and celebrate your honorary doctorate from the most prestigious, unverified university in the world.
So, here’s to the professors of WhatsApp University—long may they forward, long may they believe, and may our phones never run out of storage space!
Disclaimer: This essay was written after attending a 30-second seminar on “How to Write an Essay Using Only WhatsApp Messages.”
(The writer is a retired officer of the Indian Foreign Service (1976 Batch). He served in a number of countries, including as Ambassador in Kuwait and Morocco and as Consul General in Dubai and New York.)
Advertisement
